Tuesday, December 29, 2009

This weekend I learned

That when starting a money journal YOU CAN'T FUCKING FORGET IT OVER THE WHOLE WEEKEND! I fucked myself over with that one! SMH I'm not starting off so well with this thing but hopefully I can get things back into order pretty quickly here.

I have been off my thyroid medications for like a week now. It's not going so well! I haven't been really moody or anything just EXTREMELY EXHAUSTED! When I wake up I feel like I got enough rest and I feel good but then like 10 am hits and I'm so freaking tired. I didn't want to have to buy a new prescription before I went in for blood work again but I think I'm going to have to. One because of how badly it's affecting me and two because I want to make sure that my blood work is coming out good. On Christmas I found out that my Aunt also has a thyroid disorder. My brother and sister better keep getting themselves checked out.

Mark and I went to see Avatar Sunday. It was FUCKING AMAZING! I loved the effects, I loved the concepts, I loved the plot! At first I was really disgusted because it definitely described the American Way. . .we think we can go anywhere we want and take whatever we want and leave it how ever it ends up - whether it be completely destroyed or in prime condition. That aspect about America definitely does not make me proud to be an American. I thought the 3-d experience would be questionable and I was worried about it being a waste of money but it fucking put my mouth on the floor. In previous 3-D movies you can just watch the movie without the glasses and you'll be fine. For this one though your eyes don't stand a chance! We sat up a close because we got there too late however it turned out just fine. I think had we sat just a couple rows further back it would have been fucking perfect. I really enjoyd the movie. James Cameron has some fucking creative ass ideas and that's fucking awesome!

Tomorrow Mark and I are going snowboarding with a friend his. I'm super excited. I hope it snows like the forecast says though because I don't want to thunderfuck my face on the ice/snow when I fall. I tried to tell Mark to tell Kris that I am afraid of heights just so that he is prepared but he said it should be fine. We'll see about that.

Glad to see yall like my new hair and tattoo. Thanks!

15 Diet Tips From Web MD

1. Drink plenty of water or other calorie-free beverages
2. Think about what you can add to your diet, not what you should take away
3. Consider whether you are really hungry
4. Be choosy about nighttime snacks
5. Enjoy your favorite foods
6. Enjoy your treats away from home
7. Eat several mini meals during the day
8. Eat protein at every meal
9. Spice it up - add more spicey foods
10. Stack your fridge with healthy convenience foods
11. Order children's portions at restaurants
12. Eat foods in season
13. Swap a cup of pasta for a cup of veggies
14. Use non-food alternatives to cope with stress
15. Be physically active

I think these are all really good tips. I know that if I want to be successful in the Academy and in my career as a police officer I need to get myself back into shape and muscled up. My legs can't do all the work for me when it comes to strength. I'll be getting my left over scholarship money in January and I'm making a diet and workout a reality. Mark and I both really want to lose some weight and get back into shape and I truly believe working out together is a great idea. I definitely need a motivational partner and it'll be good time to spend together and hopefully it will relieve any future stress between us (no more petty arguments or snappiness towards each other lol)!

Friday, December 25, 2009

Tattoo pictures

This is the side and back. The garter goes all the way around and like I said the shading has yet to be done so the tattoo is not finished.

A couple pictures of the new black hair.

I just bought that green beanie. It's my fav. [=

Merry Christmas!

I've been terribly busy with work and trying to catch on my sleep. I'm now fighting a nasty cold that I'm hoping will be gone tomorrow since I've been feeling better today.

The news:
for xmas I got everything I needed/wanted. This includes my own poker set, a snowboarding jacket, a series of books, harry potter, curlers and more. It was a perfect xmas. My family got a long a lot better this year. It was a little awkward Christmas Eve because we went to my cousins for the gift exchange and dinner and my auntie was there. It's my dad sister's and she had led a rough and difficult life (and that's just sugar coating it). Basically, as a result my Dad never speaks of or to her and she lives there. I haven't seen her in several years so it was great seeing her. I don't having any harbored feelings toward her and can't judge her for the mistakes she's made in her life so it was definitely awesome to see her and get caught up. Maddoxx seemed to be truly excited about his new toys and treats!

I colored my hair AGAIN! I'm now a raven haired beauty. I was going for a dark brown and the box solution I decided to use decided for ME that I would instead have black hair. I actually ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT! I love dark hair with blue eyes so I think it's extremely sexy. My boss told me I look like Snow White. hahahah I confirmed that today somehow in my own opinion. I'll post some pictures later.

I told Mark his XMAS gift, which is I'm paying for him to go skydiving. He is extra excited about it. He's been dying to do it and he bought the over the knee boots that I absolutely fell in love with for me so I decided to show my gratitude for him and treat him to something he would love to do. I asked his mother before I told him. I just wanted to make sure that she would not kill me when she found out that I paid for it and let him do it . She was excited and terrified for him. I spent a night down with his family for a family dinner and it was great. A little awkward at first because I had just gotten a new tattoo that Mark told her about before going there and she doesn't really approve of them. It doesn't bother me that she doesn't approve and she was very polite about it, just asked some questions lol.

That's also new news. I got a new tattoo. It's a garter with a snub nose inside it. It's soooo fucking sexy. It's high up on my thigh so not very visible but super HAWT! I'll also post pictures of that later. I got it as a reward to myself for all my hard work in school. I've been dying for one and so I finally just decided this is the one I want for the time being and ran off and got it. The worst part was when he was doing the back part of my thigh. It goes all the way around and I definitely thought the inside would hurt the most but the back part was the worst part. I love it. Mark loves it. Anyone who has seen it has loved it. Unfortunately it's not totally complete yet. I need to get the shading done. Since we had to be at dinner that night we didn't have much time and couldn't fit that in. Hopefully, I'll be going back pretty soon.

I hope all you readers, the few of you, had a wonderful Christmas. [=

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


I disappeared again but I had a legitimate reason. I just had finals last week so last week and the week before were super busy for me. I have not received my grades yet, that's thursday. I did get my online class grade which was a B so I'm shooting for basically one A two B's and a C. That's pretty typical of me. Thank God I'm not shooting for graduate school with those puppies right?! I haven't done much of anything to prepare myself for the real world when I graduate next semester but I figure I got a little time to get that together. I have to get costs together for housing, car payments, bills, and so forth for when I graduate because I will be making a decision on a job. My current manager is offering me a salary position in the office and he is also offering me a commission position as a part of the salary position helping him start a new business. Or I can go straight into the academy. Or I can join the national guard and go to basic training for like two months, get stationed in Colorado and then go into the police department. With the national guard I can't really be refused a position because of all the training I had. It would be pretty awesome. I'd start in the guard as a higher rank because of my four year degree. I'm learning towards options one and three so far right now because I think that they are the best opportunities to prepare me for my career. It'll be nice to come out of school and already have two full time jobs with my current employer so that I can get my life and money situation together.

The national guard is another story. My friend Kyle actually got me thinking about it. I do not like the military. I don't believe in some of the wars and the politics that go into it so I do not believe that I'm a prime candidate for it. However, if I joined the guard I would never really go to war unless the STATE OF COLORADO went to war. I find that very interesting. Obviously that's very unlikely to happen but you never know with the world ending and junk hahahaha jk.

I'm excited but also dreading getting my grades back. I was really worried about passing this one class that is required for my major. If I do not pass this little bitch. . .I WILL NOT GRADUATE ON TIME =[. I'll be so fucking pissed because the teacher was horrible. My low grade in the class in general definitely demonstrates his poor teaching skills. Hopefully I just skirted by. I've tried to email him and see if he'll just email my grade to me but apparently my school email is not working. It's quite aggravating actually.

I got a Christmas bonus the other day! I was super excited about that. I've been doing really good money wise surprisingly. I haven't been saving but I also haven't been spending like crazy either. I'm going to finally pay Mark back for the computer and stuff like that and then I get paid Thursday so I'll be putting money into my savings from that. [= I'm actually going to start a money journal were I track everything that I spend and put into my bank and stuff. I'm looking to get past this fear of not being able to look at my bank account. Hopefully it works!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Boundaries in relationships

I saw a post on Tumblr today about setting up boundaries in your relationship in order to maintain a healthy relationship. It mentioned boundaries like having your own separate hobbies, keeping your private life separate without having to lie, and trusting your own intuition while keeping your mind open to other opinions. I think these things are really very important for relationships. As mine and Mark's relationship has developed I feel we have both began to neglect our other friends, especially his best friend and people that we use to work with as well as my best friend. Our best friends are so different though because I believe those relationships have just drifted apart because of differences. Each one is in their own relationship wrapped up in their partner. On his side, Dane and Jessie live downtown and constantly go out downtown which is really convenient for them. But for us, we don't like going downtown. It's expensive for drinks, for gas, and for parking. It's inconvenient because we have to drive down there and pay for parking. We don't mind going out down there once in a while but it seems like every time we do drama happens and we go on fucking trekking missions across denver. It would almost be the exact same for them if they were coming down to Aurora though. They would have to drive, but they wouldn't have to pay for parking. There are no possible trekking missions. It's not as nearly as expensive. There's rarely ever drama. For my side, Rachael and I just drifted apart and stopped hanging out and communicating. She started blowing me off, stopped responding to my phone calls and texts, and I did the same. She likes to do different things when she goes out plus we have different groups of friends. Times are harder for maintaining both new and old relationships as the years of age increase. What are some of the best tips of advice to manage both?

1. Keep the lines of communication open. Be clear, concise, and courteous.
2. Offer specific events for chances to get together - holiday mini parties, game nights, double dates for a new restaurant or movie
3. Be open - new things aren't so bad once you give them a try.
4. Be fair - make sure if one weekend it's downtown then the next weekend it's not
5. Be considerate - if you think they'd like it INVITE THEM
6. Stay calm and be mature - if a problem arises try you're best to be adults (only because of alcohol)
7. Don't hold grudges - friendships should not be thrown away so easily
9. Don't forget them - it's easy to put others before them but it shouldn't be happening every time
10. Compromise

Tuesday, December 1, 2009


Being apart from your significant other makes you really realize just how much they mean to you. Since Mark has been gone and I haven't really been able to talk to him except through email womp womp I've really become lonely and realized how much of a staple he is in my life. We spend a lot of time together and it's so weird now that we haven't. It also has made me realize that I need to quit being so damn antisocial with my friends because without him I ain't got a damn thing to do and that's no fun! There's a lot of shit about that still needs to be changed with the whole antisocial behavior and not giving a fuck about people, but as shit happens I learn and change.

I got some other shit to do with homework plus I don't really feel like even thinking right now because I have some other shit going on and I'm tired.

Friday, November 27, 2009

What I'm thankful for

I know this is a day late but I was taking in all the time I could with my Babel before he left for Belize today for a week =[. Needless to say, I'm definitely not thankful that he is gone for so long and I'm going to miss him terribly. Maddoxx will be my only comfort. Here's the list.

I'm thankful for my determined mindset. Without it I would not be where I am today.
I'm thankful for my parents, loving and caring and supportive.
I'm thankful for my brother and sister, hardworking role models.
I'm thankful for my education.
I'm thankful for my car.
I'm thankful for my job.
I'm thankful for the little bit of money that I do make because it does help!
I'm thankful for the most amazing boyfriend I've ever had. I have some of my most favorites memories with him and I know there are so many more to come. I love him.
I'm thankful for my true friends. The ones that have lasted and the ones that are struggling to still last.
I'm thankful for the food that I receive on a daily basis.
I'm thankful for coke
I'm thankful for my medicine that I forgot to take this morning.
I'm thankful for the individuals who are working to make the country I live in safe.
I'm thankful for the many hard lessons in life I have learned, including NO SPEEDING
I'm thankful for alcohol
I'm thankful for my material things
I'm thankful for my entertainment. . .movies. music. games. poker. the internet. my phone.
I'm thankful for my puppy Maddoxx. how I love that little monster.


I went and saw the movie Precious last night. It was INCREDIBLE! I loved how touching it was. I hated the fact that her mother treated her like shit and I could not freaking figure out why. I really thought it was just because she has a child instead of having an education. Little did I know her HIV infected father had given her both her children and her mother treated her the way she did because she was jealous. Monique, the Precious actress which I never got her name on accident, and Mariah Carey were all AMAZING!!!!!!!!!It was so crazy to see how the mother abused the welfare system, how the grandmother did shit to protect her grandchild but would take care of her great grandchild, and thank God she did. The little down syndrome girl was the most adorable thing I've ever seen. I was so scared for Precious. I'm glad she found something so good for her with the alternative school because I don't think she would have ever gotten out from underneath her mother's thumb had she not.

This is an amazing story with amazing actresses/actors. Go! see it!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Twilight: New Moon

I went and saw the Twilight New Moon movie on Sunday. It was awesome. I really really loved how close to the book the directed stayed this time. My favorite part was seeing the wolves for the first time. Not just when Paul and Jacob transform and fight but also when all five of the wolves show up to protect Bella from Laurent. I love how awesome they all look because I was worried that the movie would not do them justice with their size and everything. Mark is definitely Team Jacob but I don't think I am. I think I lean more towards Team Edward because the love he has for Bella lasts for an eternity, literally. I think experiencing a love that lasts longer than the expected life time would be amazing. You get to experience so much together for so long. That's amazing. Jacob on the other hand is more subjective because although they imprint on their true love it doesn't last as long. I feel like it could change for some reason. . .like if the person they imprint on doesn't love them back. I really also liked how much Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson acted. They weren't huffing and puffing and doing the annoying breathing thing they did all through out the first movie. I don't really like Kristen Stewart but this movie definitely changed some of my opinion of her. Thank God for the new director. He did an amazing job. I'm looking forward to the next movie, but for some reason this series does not have me completely impatient like Harry Potter did and still does. I guess my total loyalty still lies with HP [=. It's kind of hard to focus on these movies because the love story is so emphasized and drawn out. I get that it's extremely important to the story and junk but I just feel like it's a little overdone. I think that Dakota Fanning did absolutely FABULOUS in this movie. I've seen some criticisms that she wasn't even scary but really from the story I didn't think she was suppose to be scary. I think she was suppose to be intimidating but very collected and that's what she was. She wasn't suppose to make you scared out of your wits just scare you in the sense that you don't really know what she is capable of and that's scary. The fight scene with the Volturi was a good thing to add into the movie however R. Pats got his butt kicked and I definitely would have expected more from him.

Thursday, November 19, 2009


I went and bought some used tires a couple weeks ago and this one PIECE OF SHIT fucking tire keeps going flat. It's really aggravating, because I don't have the time to take the shit over to the guy who sold it to me and tell him to replace it since it keeps going flat and my dad can't find anything wrong with it. It's overly aggravating. On top of that the Wells Fargo morons STILL have yet to send me my god damn credit card even though it was sent to me three days ago according to my email. I've been waiting for almost three weeks now. I think I'm more than entitled to be pissed off.

Mark and I are suppose to be going snowboarding this Saturday so I'm looking forward to that. But if we don't get to go, I'm going and changing my fucking bank. I can't stand those fucking morons.

I think tomorrow I'm going to call in sick. I need to go to the pawn shop and and some clothing shops to sell some of my shit so I can have some money to pay for these tickets. I need to make a list of everything I'm going to sell.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Mother Hubbard

The month of November hates me! I got ANOTHER speeding ticket today. I'm overly pissed!! Not only would I had never gotten this fuckin ticket if I hadn't spoken up to Jason sooner and told him that I am no longer going to be able to go on these fucking missions for him every week going to the bank and taking him places and shit because I don't have the gas or the money for that shit but also because shit like this happens. The only reason why I was speeding was because I didn't know what the speed limit was where I was because I rarely go that way and the sun was really bright so I couldn't see any signs so I assumed that it was 35-40 mph. Granted even if it was 40 I was still going two over BUT they wouldn't have pulled me over for that. I really was following along at the same speed of the people next to me and behind me which I consider the flow of traffic. I am also overly pissed because the officer pulled all SIX CARS including mine over for speeding ALL AT THE EXACT SAME SPEED. I just don't fucking get that. I think it's bullshit! On top of that. . .the ticket should only cost me 80 but they have decided to tack on another 30 dollars for SURCHARGES! They use the technique of pay this early and you don't have to go to court, you don't have to pay court fees ETC ETC but BAM THEY STILL CHARGE YOU THE SAME COURT FEES IN SURCHARGE FEES. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT WORK?!?!?!?!

God is trying to tell me that I should have spoken up sooner. I should have told Jason way before that I can not afford gas wise to run the errands for the office because they are inconvenient, out of my my way, and NOT IN MY DUTIES OF RESPONSIBILITY. He is paid a salary for a fucking reason. Running those errands are included in his SALARY. . .NOT IN MY $8 an hour. Fuck that nonsense.

I'm not blaming him for my ticket. I shouldn't have been speeding, but I also wouldn't have been speeding if I would have known instead of assumed the actual speed limit. Tomorrow I should be finding out what the CA in Aurora can do for my 20 over speeding ticket and then I'll know how much I'll be forking out on that. This new one is going to cost my $110 and 2 points off my license. =[ Hopefully I can get my other one down just as far. After that I can't get SHIT for speeding tickets or anything that will cause me to lose more points because I CAN NOT lose my license.

I must say though as bad as it pissed me off I could be faring worse. On my way home I saw a guy who had flipped his SUV on the highway. I had to sit in traffic so of course it was making me even madder, but then I pulled up and saw CARNAGE and it made my day just that much better. It's so nice to actually sit in traffic for something that is TOTALLY WORTH IT. I know it's bad of me to say it but don't worry. . .I'm going for the record of the most tickets in one month. [=

Monday, November 16, 2009

Drugs, Alcohol, and Rape

I'm watching Intervention and this is probably the worst episode I've ever seen. This girl has been an alcoholic for seven years and uses pain killers. I guess six months before either the recording or the airing of this episode she was contacted by police and got her world fucking ROCKED! They showed up and showed her videos of a guy RAPING HER and she had NO FUCKING CLUE!

I can not even imagine going through something like that. How the fuck did you allow yourself to go that far BELOW ROCK BOTTOM that you can't even remember being raped because of your own drug and alcohol abuse. Being date raped is a whole other story that I'm not touching on here because that is not voluntary in the sense that you know what you are exposing yourself to voluntarily when you use alcohol or drugs. Seeing yourself being raped in a video taped by the guy who did it to you is quite the shattering piece of information. I know it would tear my life apart. Still though, I'm still extremely shocked at the simple fact that this woman did not stop drinking or using pain medicines after discovering what happened to her while she was so far gone off them. She in fact made her problem even worse. Obviously this has been her only coping mechanism that she thinks works best for her but how can you NOT WANT TO CHANGE THAT when you find something out like that?!

I really truly hope that if I was ever in her shoes that I would realize that I needed to make some serious changes in my life if I was ever informed that I had been raped without being aware of it in any kind of way. I hope that if I couldn't figure that out on my own that my parents, my family, my friends would make me learn it involuntarily. We spend a lot of time digging ourselves out of the holes that we dig ourselves into throughout our entire life. I know if I was where she is at. . .I would be desperate for someone to help me dig myself out. I have to say that if any of my friends or families were at where she is I would do everything I could to save them even if that's the last thing that they want. I couldn't let myself live with the fact that I didn't do everything I could for them if I didn't.

I gotta tell Tina about this shit because she doesn't cope with shit as healthy as she could. She's definitely no where near being an alcoholic or anything like that but sometimes she worries me because when she is upset about something she turns to alcohol and I don't want her to get to that level.

Twilight vs Harry Potter

Nothing infuriates me more than people comparing these two series in any kind of way. I honestly believe that they are both equally good in every sense possible. The story lines are completely different, the characters are completely different, EVERYTHING IS SO DIFFEERENT that there is no possible line of comparison. I LOVE LOVE LOVE both. I think that people need to shut the fuck up saying one is better than the other just because vampires are better than magic or vice versa.

I love all of the actors in each series [except for Kristen Stewart]. I love all the characters in each series. I love both story lines. I love that they are totally different stories because it leaves me options to explore my imagination while reading in different ways.


Sunday, November 15, 2009

Lazy Weekends

Next is going to be a little hectic. I'm looking forward to getting it out of the way though. I have two tests and a paper due. Plus I wanted to try and get my ticket taken care of next week so I don't have to worry about that shit. . .probably Friday or so. The week after that is Thanksgiving Break. I'm super happy about that week because I'm getting a raise on the 27th. It's only a dollar but shit a dollar goes a long way lol. I'm literally two or three weeks out from finishing my second to last semester in college.

On Friday night Mark and I went to play poker at our regular dive bar. I was really proud because I actually took fourth place. Not that great but in a sense its an awesome feat for me. We then went to Shot Gun Willies, a strip club. Lol it was actually awesome! The cover charge wasn't that bad. The girls were sexy, even the cocktail waitresses. Their only downfall is they're expensive ass drinks and their $6.50 fee at the ATM. That's bullshit. Last night we played Trivial Pursuit with Kyle and Tristin boys against girls. Girls lost but we put up quite a fight.

It was my birthday a couple weeks ago. I got a Macy's gift card and am super excited to spend it. However, the Marc Ecko purse that I fell deadly in love with is not going to get covered by my gift card. I'm desperately waiting for it to go on sale. It's quite delicious. I hope it goes down soon.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

New junk. . .inspiration

I just saw one of the best videos I've seen in a long time. . .Lady Gaga - Bad Romance. If you haven't seen it you need to see it. If you don't like. . .you need to see it. The shit is just bad ass. . .she fucking murdered it. I also heard one of the most inspirational songs I've ever heard tonight. Hero - Skillet is AMAZING!!! It definitely makes me feel even more happier about continuing to pursue my life long dream of becoming a police officer. I don't give a fuck about what people say about cops. . .all I have to say is when I make as one. . . if you treat me like shit, you better expect to get treated like shit yourself! Think of it this way. . .police officers are usually the first individuals to arrive on the scene of an accident, these are the individuals that take the first proper steps to save your life. That will be me someday. I take pride in the fact that I have always known what I want to do with my life and the fact that if I didn't make it I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK ELSE I WOULD DO?!?! Other people on the other hand, spend the majority of their life wandering around trying to figure out what they want to do. Wouldn't you rather have a cop on your side that has known their whole life that this is what they were made to do or someone who just decided to do the job because that was what was available for them at the time? I'd definitely want a cop who wants to be doing what they do instead of a cop who has total burn out because it's never what they wanted to do in the first place.

I also downloaded Shakira's new album and I really like her music. Her voice sounds kind of whiny to me sometimes but I still really like her. I really wish I could sing in spanish. . .it's sounds quite beautiful. I officially am dedicating the song Everything - Michael Buble to Mark [=.

Ranting at Work

Surprisingly, I'm still really aggravated with the happenings of last night. I invited Mark over and asked him to bring his poker set so we could play after I finished my ma's hair. He comes over. . .doesn't have the poker set. SMFH. I really looked forward to hanging out with him playing poker instead of just fuckin' watching tv because watching tv is basically what I do every night when I come home from work/school. I wanted to take my mind off the extreme amount of school work I have been working on at work with a fun game of poker with my boyfriend. Then, while I was finishing up a study guide real quick while waiting for my mom, Mark told me that I was lucky he even came over because he was playing his new video game. WELL GO PLAY YOUR FUCKIN GOD DAMN VIDEO GAME THEN SHIT! I'm sorry it was such an inconvenience for me to MAKE you COME OVER TO MY HOUSE and step away from your game. Honestly, I did not know that a video game can be that fucking important in someone's life, especially someone that I am involved with. Anyways, I found this comment extremely disrespectful and did not even want to be around him since I was taking away from his fuckin video game. After I finished my ma's hair I invited Mark to play a game of poker with some bootleg ass chips that we have. He was mid dinner so I was patient with that but as soon as we started playing he was staring like a fucking zombie at the god damn tv. After every live play he would just stare at the fucking tv. I dealt a hand once and he sat there staring at the tv so I said fuck it, quit playing, let him watch tv by himself and went to try and restore my old computer so I could get some old photos off it. While doing that I made a joke about how it was a good thing I didn't ask Mark to bring some stuff that I needed from his house because he would have forgotten like the poker set. He threw a fit. I left him to watch tv by himself and went to study. He then came over and said that I was being mean and grouchy. I FUCKING WONDER WHY?!?!!?

He can now have the rest of this damn month to himself with his fucking video games, cuz this is not the only that is going to be new for him this month. I don't really care to hang out with him if he thinks I'm lucky to be able to get any of his time while these games come out. Have fun in Belize ass hole. . .I'll see ya when I see ya.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Happy Veterans Day

Despite the fact that I do not agree with these wars. . .it was not necessarily your choice to be in them. I support you doing what you have to do to make yourself safe and make our country safe so FUCKING DO WORK! thanks for everything. . .you may not feel like it a lot of the time but your efforts are truly appreciated. [=

oh yeah good news

Remember how I was ranting and raving about how the police department never took care of this fuckin parking ticket and I was given to a collections agency. . .turns out. . .it was for a different parking ticket.

No worries though. . .I also paid this ticket. The fuckin dumb ass violations dept even stamped the check that I sent them acknowledging that I paid the damn thing and I paid it on time. Working on getting the whole situation taken care of with the MORONS at the collection agency.
Yes, they are morons.

Slight bad news, I am going to blow up Wells Fargo if I don't get a fucking bank card from them in mail tomorrow. I have been waiting two weeks for this piece of shit and if I don't get it immediately I'm going to be face fuckin bitches with my strap on dildo.

Good day sir.

Told You I'd be back

Maybe I bore you? My fault, but whatev.

First and foremost, I need to congratulate myself on my performance in school lately. Although I was unprepared for one test. . .I still got a 95% on it. The highest I've gotten yet in that class. Regardless, I may possibly end up with an A in that class and I'd super happy about that. I also got a 100% in my Drugs and Cravings class that I'm still really proud about. We have another test coming up actually this coming Monday that I've been studying for and should be ready when the time comes around. Research and Methods has been quite a struggle for me and despite the lack of motivation that I have to attend the class, I do have a lot of motivation for the paper that we are writing for it right now. I think I should get at least a high B if not an A on this damn thing. Sucked on the last test but I know I need to get my ass in gear on studying for the shit and I'll do better. My child psychology class has been a fucking breeze! I have a test that I need to take tomorrow or Friday for it but other than that. . .I don't have to do much else except for the rest of the tests. This is exactly why I love online classes. You can pace yourself, trust yourself to make deadlines, and you don't have as much work and effort for studying for tests because they are open book open note.

Onto better and more entertaining things. I need some things to be writing about so to better prepare myself to avoid writers block I plan on making up a list of things that I can discuss.

1. my relationship
2. legalization of marijuana
3. juvenile drug use
4. female negative exploitation in the media especially with this UNM soccer chick
5. movie reviews (law abiding citizen, zombieland, etc)

my mind is hitting a dead zone at this point in time. I'll be back shortly. In the meantime. . .open your itunes and listen to some hold music for me.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I'll be back

this time it's for real because I need somewhere to put down some changes that I am going to be making in my life.


Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Can't fuckin stand

FUCKIN LAZY ASS MORONS. I got a parking ticket when I volunteered for the police department for like a week and they told me several times it would be taken care of. . .OF COURSE THEY NEVER FUCKING TAKE CARE OF IT AND now I'm being taken to the collections agency for $60.00 when the fucking ticket was originally $25.

I threw a fucking fit on the guy who told me they were going to get it taken care of timely manner today and this on all on them. I told him I wanted a fucking letter that states I was never being held responsible for the ticket but the department was going to take care of it and that I am not at fault for not having this ticket taken care of in a timely manner. I AIN'T PAYING SHIT! Don't sit there and fucking assure people on something if it aint fucking going to get done. I can't stand the fucking fact that if you want anything done and done right you gotta do it your GOD DAMN SELF.

This fuckin prick is so lucky I don't take this shit to his chief because this is FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!

Monday, November 2, 2009

I disappeared for a long time

But now I'm back. I just had a writer's block I guess. I uhm am doing good. School is doing good, just got a perfect 100% on a test in my drugs and cravings class that I absolutely love. Work is going okay. . .I stay broke because it doesn't pay shit. I am just waiting until I graduate. Mark and I are still together one year and going strong. I'm a little irritated with him right now as a matter of fact because we're still dealing with that bullshit from his "bestfriend" Dane, who keeps pulling dumb shit and not making an effort on their friendship and just walking all over Mark. For example, this past Halloween we were going to have a halloween party and Mark invited Dane like a couple weeks in advance. Mark told him about it, Dane immediately responded asking about the exact date, Mark told him and then after that Dane NEVER SAID SHIT BACK. It's just extremely disrespectful especially when you're mid convo and you can't even say No I don't think we'll be there but maybe or something so fuckin simple. So anyways, Mark and him are suppose to be hanging out tonight. I really don't hope that Dane actually does get over his disgusting ego and apologize mainly because I could CARELESS for him but at the same time I do hope he does because I'm tired of Mark dealing with that bullshit. It makes me so mad. So I'm irritated because of that and because he can't even take two seconds to respond back to me while he hangs out with this fuckin prick that constantly treats him like shit.


Maddoxx is doing good too. He makes my day like every day. My car is malfunctioning on me.

Friday, September 18, 2009

New Job

I started the new job yesterday. They're so awesome I really like them. They're very flexible with my school schedule and they're giving me about 25 hours a week which is perfect. I also get a raise every 60 days and on xmas I get a bonus which is cool! The work is easy it's definitely no rocket scientist job [=. I officially am the office manager [=. And I can work extra hours on the weekend doing some patrol work if I want extra money whenever I want.

I got an 87 on my first Research and Methods Exam. I missed stupid points that I should have been paying attention to and I would have gotten right. That class is so incredibly boring. I have a Drugs and Cravings test coming up soon. We've covered a lot of material so I'm really nervous about it already. I'll definitely be studying for a whole week in advance for this one. Hopefully, he'll give us a study guide and that would be great.

I'm making oreo cheesecake cupcakes! Mark hates sweets and a coworker of his made these one day and brought them to work and he fell in love with them. I definitely think it's because he does like cheesecake. They sound and look pretty good so I'm excited to see how they turn out [=.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

So. . .follow up. . .

I went on my first interview today. It was at a private security firm called Spears Security and Patrol. I was officially offered the job and I start on Thursday. I'm super excited! I'll be doing dual positions kind of. They want me mainly for office duties but they also have plans to use my lightly within the field as a patrol officer. It's not the best pay and for now it will work. . .I start off kind of low but once they get me settled in they already said I will get a raise. So anyways. . .I'm looking forward to it. The owner actually interviewed me by accident today because the guy who is now my manager was late due to traffic and he was like really really OVERLY excited to bring me on board. Anyways. . .I am now officially a half rent a cop hahahahahah [= Congrats to myself. I keep getting a ton of phone calls for interviews now though. It's so weird because this always happens. I'm sure it is because of how many responses they get from their ads but like it takes a couple weeks for them to get back to me and by then I have usually already had a job offered to me. It's always tempting to keep my options open and junk but ironically this position is going to turn out to be a good foot in the door for experience whenever I do field work for the law enforcement position so I think it's the better option over the other interview offers I've received. Plus a lot of people are doing phone interviews and that's a waste of time to me. I have a legit resume. If you don't want me to waste your time. . .don't waste mine by asking for a phone interview and then telling me "oh we'll call you back and let you know if we want to a in person interview". EFF that. . .time is money and I need the money to pay my damn bills. . .I don't have the time [aka the money] to sit around waiting for you to call me back for a interview process that takes like four weeks. Sorry.

Anyways. . .Mark and the gang and I went to see the movie Gamer tonight. Pretty interesting plot. I liked it. Definitely worth seeing. . .probably not in the theatre though. I also have fallen victim to the Twilight saga. I started reading the first book today after seeing the movie preview on the VMA's and it sparking an interest in me. I'll let you know how it goes. I'm not engrossed in it quite like I was with Harry Potter yet and I will always remain a devote fan lol.

I'm outie. Maybe if I find the energy I'll have a interesting post within the next couple of days about what life would be like if it were really carried out in a gaming fashion. Night!

Monday, September 14, 2009

When should you be done?

Mark and I have been fighting A LOT lately. . . like every day type shit. It doesn't matter what it's over, mostly trivial DUMB BULL SHIT but it's a constant. We almost have to pretend to get a long on the days we manage not to get into fights or rarely talk at all. I know that I have a very argumentative attitude and I can start a lot of shit but I refuse to accept full blame for every fight. He would probably say I'm just being sensitive or tell me to retract my claws like usual.

I have bad experiences with relationships that fight all the time. Even though I've already invested my emotions it's so much harder to convince myself to keep doing so in order to maintain a relationship that I'm uncertain for. I've really got nothing in ideas for trying to make things better though. I honestly think that it may be because we spend too much time together. I'm at my end of fighting. I've been sick and tired of it and definitely had more than enough of it. I don't want to let go that's the last thing on my mind but because the resolution of just trying to make sure that it doesn't make it to an argument is not working something else has to happen. Hm. . .anyways. . .I have a hard time seeing at night because of light sensitivity so I'm going to go to bed. Night.


I got three phone calls today. . .ALL INTERVIEWS! I'm super excited and can't wait. One Wednesday and two Thursday. Wish me luck!!!!! [=

Sunday, September 13, 2009


okay obviously Kanye West is a horrible part of the music industry. He has NO RESPECT whatsoever for any other genre other than the auto tune/hip hop/rap bull shit that he makes and produces ie kid cudi and drake. It's quite pathetic that he would make such a huge ass of himself but at least he shows his true colors to music fans and we can learn not to support those who don't support the success of others. Too bad he didn't win, but get over you're disgusting ego.

Next, Pink's performance was awesome and I absolutely want to see her in concert. Mark and I just talked about that today actually.

Lady Gaga is weird but I like it! that red outfit she was wearing reminded me of the SLIM JIM guy hahahahahahaah. Look up a picture of him if you can't remember him. Her performance was fuckin' strange as well and the media is going to have a hey day with it. Her final outfit was just retarded looking. . .I want to understand the thought processes she goes through when she choses what she will wear.

Beyonce, of course, was amazing. Her performance was beautiful and HAWT and I loved how much cleavage she was showing. She showed her amazing personality and true classiness when she allowed Taylor to finish her thank you speech.

I'm looking forward to seeing the photos of what everyone was wearing

Jay-Z and Alicia Keys performance was phenomenal, like expected. Not quite sure why Lil' Mama just popped up but whatever if she wanted to rep then let it be. That is all [=

Oh btw. . .MJ tribute was also super AMAZING!!! I loved Janet Jackson's performance. . .very touching!

Poker Face!

I am the ultimate champion at poker! hahaha jk. . .but I freaking SMASHED on Mark last night. Good times. I'm very proud of myself. I went to the Goodwill in the springs today and found a rain coat, and two pairs of pants, and an AWESOME bracelet with chains attaching the two matching rings. I'm very happy with my purchases.

I have my new tattoo idea for certain this time. It's "Dura Lex Sed Lex" meaning the law is harsh but it shall prevail. [= I'm not too sure where I want to put it exactly but it's a representation of the desire that I have to become a police officer. [=

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Full Blown Break Down

Mark and I came to the Springs last night to help out his parents watch their dog while they went out of town. I was really excited to come because I have been dying to go to this dance spot called Blondies that's only down here. I LOVED it the first time I went because the music is awesome and they have a great crowd and a cool light show. So anyways. . .we get here and went and had some awesome mexican food with his mom. After discussing what we were going to do I thought I had made it very clear that I wanted to go to Blondies and Mark didn't really care to go because it's all the way on the other side of town and one of us wouldn't be able to drink. So we didn't end up going and I was pretty pissed because that's basically the only reason why I came down besides to spend time with him. We decided to go to the liquor store and just play poker. Well we kept getting at each other's throats like all night and we both felt really bad about it. I told him that I believe it's because I have been so stressed and upset about not having a job and being concerned about having enough money to make it for the time being. I just freakin' broke down. The anxiety was so overwhelming. I refuse to check my bank account because I'm always too scared to know what little amount is in there and crap. It just sucks. Anyways. . .Mark and I talked and I am more open to accepting help when it's offered even though I will never ask for it. We worked through it and I'm glad I looked at my bank account because I feel a lot better about the amount that is in it [=

(btw. . .I won poker again last night. That's the second time I've beat him =])

Thursday, September 10, 2009

A little piece of excitement

I got a phone interview for a job at a Dr's office. I answered all the initial questions and she's going to talk to the office manager and call me back when they are scheduling in office interview. I'm doing good luck dances from here on out lol. [=

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

I got. . .

The Blue Print 3 [= in all its amazing-ness. However, I have yet to listen to it.

I finished watching Quarantine. I freakin LOVED it!!! I don't usually watch Zombie movies but because this one had such a great ending I really enjoyed it. Definitely recommend watching it!!

Mark's watching this video of a kid ridding a roller coaster for the first time I assume. . .for the first couple of seconds his facial expressions and reactions are what I feel when I face heights lol. Good stuff. It's on college humor but I'm not sure what it's under.

Anyways. . .I have nothing good to post about currently. I won a game of poker tonight on a pair of three's and a pair of seven's. . .lol pure luck. [= I am doing so much better. I pride myself on being a quick learner.

If you have not seen the new AIDS campaign that is DEFINITELY NOT SHOWN in THE US you need to see it. It involves very sexual images and Hilter. Go look it up =]

Until tomorrow.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Thrift store disappointment

I went to two thrift stores today to satisfy my shopping need. I found a really cute skirt and a leather jacket. I got the skirt specifically so I could wear it with these panty hose I bought a couple weeks ago. I get home and go to try the skirt on with the panty hose and I RIPPED my fuckin panty hose. Freakin' awesome. =[ I need new black ones and I would like some other different colors like dark blue and maroon for the fall.

I'm currently watching Quarantine before I go to class. I'll let you know if it's worth seeing.

Mark and I went to see Halloween 2 directed by Rob Zombie. I went in hopes of finally having the story of Michael Meyers explained. It was HORRIBLE. I go to see scary movies to get SCARED. . .not to see the goriest shit or the most blood. I like to be scared, I don't care about how much blood a person can lose. Also, the theatre we saw it in sucked. . .it smelled like sweaty balls and it was really nasty.

I want to see HP and Transformers again. . .can't wait til they come out [=.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Fashion Capitals of the World

So I've decided that although I'm not a fashion guru obsessor I am obsessed with fashion. I like to wear the latest styles because they make me feel good about myself. I don't care about impressing other people or trying to show off the money that I don't have by buying the stuff that I can't really afford. I believe in the quote that goes something a long the lines of making yourself look good makes YOU feel good and that's important to me.

I realize that I spend far too much money on shopping HOWEVER I pride myself on my control because I don't do as bad as some women do. I am a compulsive shopper but that is because I was raised to always get what I want. Whatever I wanted, my parents let me get it whether they got it for me or they made me work to get it. . .it was mine. It's nice to know that not everything was just handed to me so I have the safety of knowing that I have to earn the shit I really want. I also am proud of myself because I'm 21 and have 0 CREDIT CARDS. I recently applied for some but was denied and for good reasons since I don't have a job anymore. Either way though, the CC's were OFF LIMITS FOR SHOPPING! They were to be for use like going out to dinner or getting Maddoxx food. . .easy stuff to pay off quickly. I wish I had the money to spend on more stuff. . .I wouldn't buy the most expensive stuff because I can get almost the EXACT SAME STUFF for cheaper. I recently discovered a really cute line by Miley Cyrus at Wal-Mart. . .she has good taste for me [= even though I don't like her voice.

Anyways. . .I am so THANKFUL I don't live in the fashion capitals though because otherwise I would spend SO MUCH MORE MONEY!!!! I am addicted to fashion and addicted to shopping but there's no WAY IN HELL I could resist it if I lived in any fashion capital! hahahah I think I might do some "shopping" tonight [=

Friday, September 4, 2009


I spent the majority of my day applying for jobs today. It was not fun. . .quite depressing actually. I applied at a bunch of retail stores but the problem is I have very little retail experience. Since I came back from Texas I worked at one store. The other jobs I have had are all office spots because I am really good with computers and I prefer reception work over retail because it pays better. The problem is though, there are no jobs for reception, admin. etc work out there really. Even though I send my resume out to a ton of advertisements for open positions I get mostly bullshit emails back or no responses at all. I understand for the no response thing because they get so many emails and requests there's no way they can take the time to respond with saying we filled it already or we'll let you know or you're not what were looking for.

Basically, I'm starting to feel really anxious about my money situation. What I have isn't going to last me long so I'm desperate for just anything to fill my time and bank account. It makes me want to go back to the club and waitress again because of the easy money that's in it. I'd rather bar tend but I have absolutely no experience with it. I'm looking around at some dive bars trying to see if they need help bartending just so I can beef up some experience enough to get me at a good place but we'll see. Ugh. . .the frustration and the anxiety added together just automatically result in anger and depression. =[

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Extremely Excited =\

Don't worry I still haven't had anymore bites on the numerous amounts of resumes and applications I have sent out. I just thought I should let you know that I'm excited to be back in school. At least I'm not on summer break or something where I would just be sitting at home depressed because I'm not doing anything with my time. I think for the time being I may go volunteer somewhere. . .definitely not with Denver Police even though the technician I worked for there wants to talk to me and asked me to call him back when I emailed him about the parking ticket that he was suppose to take care (and supposedly is). I'm not quite sure where yet but I'm going to work on trying to convince my ma to get involved with me. It'll be a great opportunity for us to spend time together (and fight like usual lol) as well as for her to be able to get out of the house. She has been unemployed and on unemployment for quite some time and since she spends most of her days at home alone I can definitely tell she is becoming more and more depressed. Thank God Maddoxx is around to keep her somewhat busy but she usually sleeps until 2 pm then wakes up gets on the computer, walks Maddoxx, and watches tv for the rest of the day while dividing her time up between the bed and the computer. Anyways, it'll be good for the both of us.

This weekend is the SNIAGRAB and SKi REX discounts on all of last years snowboarding and skiing equipment. Since I really got into snowboarding I'm going to go and try to find if I can find some cheap stuff of my own so I don't have to worry about renting anymore. I basically need everything and am pretty much looking to stay under $350. Hopefully all goes well. Unfortunately, if I don't get a job soon I'll be spending money on equipment and a pass that I won't be able to use because I won't have any money to go with. Anyways, wish me luck and keep your eyes open if you know of any opening positions or places hiring.


so. . .since I forget to inform what kind of music I listen to here is the list:

hiphop/rnb/rap - despite I've recently had a falling out with this because what is being put out is ABSOLUTE GARBAGE I'm open to listening to anything you my find worthy.

September 24th

is now the most important day of my life. . .
why you ask. . .


I'm still quitting even more pissed about this job searching business because I keep getting these stupid emails from people who live overseas somewhere thinking that I'm dumb enough to work for them in the US. Come on now. . .stop wasting my fucking time.

Also, Shag vs the greatest baseball player currently aka PUJOLS [= ahhhh sexiness!
Fyi. . .if you didn't know. . .Pujols actually has a daughter with down syndrome therefore he started his own foundation for children with down syndrome.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Need for new music

Give me a list of your most played songs. . .
recently discovered. . .
brand new songs. . .
because well honestly, I'm too lazy to look for myself. [=

I nearly broke my damn elbow

I was going into the restroom and hit my elbow with the door, directly on some nerves that were apparently connected to my pinky and ring finger on my left hand. I could not use these two fingers for a good thirty minutes. Thank God though, I am right handed and my studying session for Sensation and Perception went only momentarily interrupted by my screams of pain. [=

Harmonization or Prohibition

My first Addictions and Cravings class we were showed a video of an Australian show that was openly discussing drug use. On the show was teenagers who were either users or nonusers of drugs, parents of individuals who had overdosed and subsequently died of drug use, and researchers of drugs. Unfortunately, there was no government official present despite an invitation. The debate was centered around the idea of whether illegal drugs should be made legal through the process of harmonization where the government practices control of the drugs and the use of them or if prohibition of illegal drug use should be continued. The teenagers, especially two girls, argued that the drug use among their friends and fellow party goers was largely underestimated and in fact the majority of party goers are drug users. They defend their so called "recreational drug use" (this is what they called going out 2-3 times a week and using drugs each time) because they believe that it is a lot better, safer, and more convenient then drinking alcohol. They believe they practice in a recreational manner because they took the drugs "safely" meaning they only accepted drugs from people they knew and only took the drugs around people they knew. Despite the fact that I completely disagree with their point of view, I am in support of harmonization. The parents argued obviously for continued prohibition and the researchers were seemingly in between. Because I am in support of harmonization does not mean that I support drug use. I, in fact, do not use drugs and do not believe that anyone should use drugs regardless of whether or not that person is an addict or a recreational drug user. For this. . .I will be using the term recreational drug user as an individual who occasionally uses like the girls. They use the drug but their lives do not center around it, they are not dependent on it. Addicts are individuals who's lives center around the use of the drug, they are desperate to get their hands on it and will go to any length to get some.

Let's start with the ads against drugs that are displayed by the government as a No Tolerance Policy on drug use. The parents on the show felt that the ads are not targeted towards the teens and the drug users. Instead these ads are targeted to the parents, encouraging them to become involved in the lives of their children to ensure their safety and non drug use. The teens felt that these ads were also not targeted towards them because they think the ads are targeted for novice users, individuals who have just started or who have yet to start and are considering it. Both teens and parents do not feel they are successful in their goals. The teens just see the ads as shock tactics and that they are unrealistic, possibly as a result of their invincible and "this will never happen to me" attitudes. The consensus was that they just are working as effectively as they should be, that they were a waste of time and money. Personally, I believe the ads are not working as effectively as they should be either. I do believe that they are having an impact on keeping those novices away through the use of shock tactics and information on what could happen, but I believe that teens are in the mindset of whatever you tell them no to do, they are just going to go out and do. They could almost be seen as challengers to teens in the sense that they encourage them to prove the statistics wrong and demonstrate that they really are "invincible" and that the results that were shown in a commercial really aren't realistic. I do not think we should stop using them by all means, I just think we need something else to help out. Basically the sense of confidence and invincibility in the recreational user and drug addicts is not going to change as easily as a shocking ad. You have to wonder, exactly what will it take for them to realize the true consequences of their behavior?

Did you know that marijuana is seen as the safest drug to use? It is easily identified as a "soft drug". Unfortunately it is much more damaging then a lot of people realize. In fact, habitual use of the drug can result in psychosis. that

Now to my argument for harmonization. I believe the government should maintain the use of drugs after decriminalization. Age limits, amounts available, purity, what is in the drug, comorbid use can all be regulated among RECREATIONAL USERS ONLY. I do not ignore the fact that although it would be nice to remove all the drugs from the streets and hands of gangsters, the control is still a business. Whoever has the cheapest is where the ADDICTS will go to. Despite the fact that there will always be the street drug dealers, I am relying on the fact that recreational users will not trust the street drug more than they will trust the government drug. Although they know the consequences of taking the drug, the drug they will be given will be "SAFER" in the sense of purity, because it is CONTROLLED. Recreational users will have the added assurance of a pure drug from a safe source. I also realize that it is a slippery slope between recreational use and addiction, but even though I can not come up with my personal ideas on how to regulate that I'm sure something could be managed. I also realize that because there is money behind it and because wherever their is money, people will do whatever they can to get their hands on it, dirty pills will still make it into the government regulated system. I believe that because those individuals who would be behind this scheme would be more concerned with the amount of money in the long run so instead of not caring what is actually in the drug in terms of purity like gangsters and only focusing on the amount of money they can make, I believe the government officials will allow only a certain amount of dirtiness if you will to enter into the purity. I think the government will be more concerned of maintaing their customer case rather than killing them so they will be very careful about their mixing. Government control will ensure that people know what they are taking. Recreational users will not go to gangsters despite the cheaper offerings because they can not be sure of what is actually in the drug being sold. Addicts will go anywhere and to anyone so they are not considered.
We have regulated the use of tobacco. We have regulated the use of alcohol. We have regulated the use of cigarettes, in 1960 60% of the male population alone smoked, after regulation now only 18% smoke. We regulate gambling to a certain extent. I believe that we have successfully reduced the rates of these problems by regulating them so what's so wrong with at least TRYING harmonization. I'm not looking to eliminate drug use. I strongly believe that as long as the world produces the necessary ingredients to create drugs, we will always have them. I am looking to reduce the drug use problem. Prohibition, is not working at it's current state. I am definitely not saying that it won't ever work but it's not currently working so why not try something else? With new government regulation, means a new government branch, which in turn means MORE NEW JOBS. I'm just saying. . .[=

If you do not agree. . .feel free to tell me why. If you do agree. . .feel free to tell me why. If you have any suggestions whether to enhance harmonization or prohibition feel free. Mark and I have discussed this a great deal and I'm sure I have left out a lot, especially the side of against legalizing illegal drugs but hey I'm biased what can I say?!?! Lol. . .I'm definitely open to different points of view though.

oh btw

There will be no 10,000 dollars for me. I was not accepted for the egg donor stuff. ]=

Job Search

I hate looking for a job. I absolutely hate when you send people your resume in answer to an ad and they never fucking respond OR I get extremely pissed when you get a response and it's some bullshit company. Well anyways. . .hopefully I get something soon or the money anxiety is going to start kicking again. I have quite a few bills to pay.

I'm so sick and tired of people not doing their damn jobs or doing what they said they would do. I got a parking ticket while I was volunteering for the Denver Police Dept and they said that they would take care of the ticket and I wouldn't have to worry about paying it or anything. Funny thing is I got a notice in my mailbox they other day saying that I never paid the ticket and therefore it hadn't been taken care of. Now I have to take the time out of my day to call this dumb technician and tell him you said you would get it taken care of, now what's the damn deal? If they come back with some bullshit about how since I am no longer volunteering they will not be able to take care of it I'll be fucking pissed. If that was going to be the case they could have at least had the decency to fucking tell me in time for me to pay it on time and not have it double like it has. Regardless, I ain't paying this shit. This was on volunteer time. . .it was not my fault they did not take care of like they said they would. Fuckers!

I have to study for a Sensation and Perception test that's on Wednesday so I'm out.


Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Egg Donor

I am applying to be an egg donor. Not only could it possibly get me 10,00 dollars but also it would make me feel good about helping a couple or individual who can not conceive. I'll let ya'll know how it goes [=. Back to my homework. Goodnight.

Monday, August 24, 2009

You are the weakest link

So. . .I disappeared on my promise to post about harmonization and the legalization of illegal drugs. . .I still have plans on posting about it definitely however the reason I haven't done it yet is because I got fired from my bailiff position. Don't feel sorry for me because I'm not sad about it happening. I'm extremely PISSED because it was under wrongful terms but because Colorado is an open policy you can be fired for any reason and second because I just found out that I was in a temporary position I also just found out that they will not take my complaints into consideration. I am also furious because I had reported to my manager that I felt harassed and intimidated and I know for a fact that she did not report it like she was suppose to. I know this because I mentioned how I still felt harassed when they were terminating and she pretended that I did not tell her anything. Anyways. . .I don't really feel like going into the details or anything but every reason they gave me for firing me had a legitimate explanation and it was all bullshit. I'm pretty fucking furious long story short. I'm currently busy trying to keep my school work together, searching for a new job, and trying to maintain the rest of my life. I'm definitely happy that I do not have to work in such a petty ass, disrespectful place. Even though I know people experience harassment in every work force, I also know that just because it's in every place does not mean that you have to put it up with it. The city has a nice little BULLSHIT ASS loop hole that saved their asses from another investigation. Anyways, that's why I failed to post my very interesting ideas on harmonization.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009


I'm so much happier now that I'm back in class. I have an exciting post about illegal drug use and harmonization or prohibition coming up, probably tomorrow (probably while I'm at work) but I'm pretty tired tonight as I had a fairly busy day. I risked my hair and pride by going to a trade schools salon to get my roots down and hair trimmed for cheap. Ended up costing me a whole $30 dollars and it turned out great so I'm very pleased with the girl. I will probably go back to her. For now, I'm going to hit the sheets because the division I'm working in got switched for tomorrow and now I will be working in the busy ass Division 3. yay I'm super not excited about that but whatever. Night.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Interesting updates.

I skipped Monday's classes so those two I don't know how they are going to be. The online class should be pretty easy. Definitely does not seem as demanding yet as my previous online class. Need to take a look at the reading syllabus first though. My class that is on Tues and Thurs shouldn't be too hard. It's a Research design class that I thought was going to be a math class but it's not THANK GOD! I freakin' hate math.

I saw an article on the BBC today comparing the different health care systems of the U.S., the U.K., France, and somewhere else but I can't remember off the top of my head. I definitely like the U.K and France's systems. I'm so in support of a national health care system that I've frequently caught myself trying to convince Mark to move with me to England or France. He of course refuses every time but I think if I keep on pursuing I might change his mind hahaha. Anyways, I definitely recommend reading it, quite interesting.

I also saw that the man who successfully committed the greatest identity theft crime was caught. He hit three different companies and got A LOT of MONEY with two other russian co-conspirators. They used the highest of technology to get the information they were looking for conveniently accessed by the guys previous employment with the United States government tracking identity thieves. Funny how things work out. Thank God they caught that ass hole though.

Apparently, there is a shortage in news because I saw an article on the BBC today that was on whether a zombie infestation could wipe out the human race. ZOMBIES WIN. [=

Since school has started I have found a renewed desire to use my brain and demonstrate my intelligence by challenging myself with not blogging so much on tumblr. hahahahah [= I promise I'll be around more.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

hustlin'/health care/recession.

I finally got my loan today. Not too bad I guess. Wish I could pick up some more hours at work or something to make some more money. I also went and sold some clothes, some cd's and movies, two stereos and an old car stereo. I made like $95 dollars on that total so that's good, I'm very pleased with that.

All this craziness over a national health care plan. Personally, I am in total support of the idea. I see how successful Europe has used it and how much more convenient it is. I definitely do not see any evidence of socialism or communism within the idea and I think people who claim that are scared to actually allow their government to do something for the people they usually don't give a fuck about but yet still claim to be based on. I am a little scared with the control that will be given to the government with health insurance in their hands however I truly think that for the most part it'll be safer in the governments hands then in the hands of the greedy ass CEO's and "high on the totem pole" insurance employees. At least the people have more of an opportunity in the sayings of how the program will work while it's in the hands of the government. We'll see how it all turns out though. Honestly, despite how much I want the program to go into effect I really do not believe it will. . .I think those who claim that it is socialism will have a huge fucking uprising and all hell will break lose with the Devil coming on and striking cuntadactyl's down lol. I saw an article yesterday on the BBC that claimed the U.S. Federal Reserve said that the United States is out of recession. I definitely DISAGREE! We may be well on our way out of this horrible state however there is no fucking way we are free of its troubles. I think the government needs to be a little wiser in how they say things. The statistics may be there, however the actuality of those statistics aren't fact yet.

I've really not had that much to blog on because I've been so incredibly lazy lately. . .I started a new prescription level for my thyroid though so hopefully it gives me some more energy, plus I'm going to force Markle into getting a work out regiment together for us because we both complain about how fat and tired we are all the time. It's about damn time we actually do something for it. I use to read the BBC everyday and now I'm just reading George Carlin and Pride and Prejudice and blogging on tumblr lol. Lord help me. . .school starts Monday. I need to kick my ass in gear.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Job Searching again

So thanks to my parents informing a week before classes start, I will be paying for my own school books this year. Despite the fact that my parents guaranteed my books being paid for by them since they paid for my brothers' and sisters' while they were in college and that would be the only thing they paid for as long as we didn't have scholarships. Apparently, they can't afford them because they need to buy their junk food and still go out to eat and drive two cars. Whatever it's bullshit and I'm thoroughly pissed about it. They owe me almost $300 from my summer books and from me paying for my BC since they said they would cover all my medical costs while I was still in school as well. I want my fucking money because I need it! I did not account for the fact that I would only be offered a loan that I have to pay the interest on as well as I did not account for having to pay for my school books with some of that loan money. I still owe Mark $400 for the computer and I'm certain I owe Kyle and Tristin some money for the NE trip we just went on. I would like a new backpack. Basically working on Tues and Thurs and Fris fuckin' sucks. I should have set my classes up so that I could switch back to Mon and Wed because it almost seems like I would full day shifts then instead of just half day shifts with the possibility of having to stay in the afternoon. Fuck this economy! FUCK George Bush for putting America in this fuckin shit hole. I honest to God hope he is ashamed of the work he did as the President because he was selfish and inconsiderate.

Anyways. . .I'll be looking for a second job and I'll definitely be selling some of my shit too to make some money. I have a ton of baseball straight brimmed hats, a ton of clothes that no longer fit me or that I do not wear, as well as a bunch of shoes that I can get rid of as well. I wonder if book stores like used ones will buy books from me. I bet I can take some of the movies that I never freaking watch and the cd's that I don't ever listen to into a CD shop and get some cash there. I hate being broke!!!!! I almost want a credit card but that's fuckin' pointless because whatever I buy on those things I just have to pay off and I already don't have the fuckin' money for that shit to buy in the first place so why would I suddenly have the money to pay it off? Don't worry I'll be graduating on time, but I'll be so fuckin' broke I won't be able to go anywhere to find a fuckin' job with a goddamn city that has an open police academy. Needless to say. . .I won't have the money to buy the materials that I'll need while going through the academy.

I don't want another job because I know I'm not going to have the energy to do anything. I HATE HATE HATE working on the weekends because that is my time to relax and have fun. I work my ass of at school and work all fuckin' week I think that I definitely should be allowed to relax on the weekend. I wish I lived closer to the campus because then I could just sell my car not have to worry about gas, paying for parking, and insurance. Maybe I'll be back later. I'm going to go google how to save money when you're a college student.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Summer Grades

Surprise Surprise! I got an A in my Inferential Stats class. The class that I thought that I was going to get a C in because of my first couple of test grades, but no definitely ended with an A. When I had doubts about my success I told myself that if I got in A in the class I would get a tattoo. I definitely deserve it with the work I put out into that class however instead of getting a tattoo I've been dying to get a stripper pole for Mark's new apartment. . .since he moved in actually. I didn't want to spend what most of the places were charging to get one though and since I have patiently waited the pole I want is on sale on Playboy for $100! Yesssss. . .I now can not wait to get it. I desperately want a tattoo but I can wait until another day. 

Tristin heard from her doctor who said as long as there is not anymore serious concern with the problem she was scared about everything should be fine still. Maddoxx and I went to the Cherry Creek Reservoir today. It SUCKED. The water is soo disgusting and a little too cold. Maddoxx is such a good swimmer though. . .made his mama proud lol! I'm so exhausted from this allergy medicine so I'm think I'm going to take a nap so I have the motivation to clean up my room.


We went to Nebbie again this weekend. Good times. We tubbed and I learned how to wakeboard. I have some video of me doing it too. I'm not that good at it, but I was getting up on my first tries and junk. I was definitely very proud of myself. Just beware. . .it makes you EXTREMELY SORE. . .especially in your back butt muscles and shins. Good fun stuff though. Maddoxx went and LOVED IT!!! There was two other dogs there so he had some great socialization experiences with them. He also got to go swimming and we discovered that he LOVES that as well. Especially just sitting on a floatie in the water he likes. He's not a very good swimmer so he takes after his mother very well lol. Unfortunately we had to cut the trip short a day, even though the water was fucking perfect yesterday to wakeboard and shit because Tristin thinks something is wrong with the baby growing within her. She may have miscarriaged which would be extremely unfortunate but not uncommon especially within the first trimester. She has been doing everything right and she wasn't doing of the water sporting stuff and whatnot but it still sucks. Especially if she does cuz she may end up blaming NE and never go back out there. I hope that everything turns out fine. Mark and I were a little sour about not getting to go back out but we definitely what is more important. I'll upload some pictures later probably. I'm going to go take Maddoxx to the resevior so we can go swimming again.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

My phone drives me nuts!

Last night I was suppose to meet some friends up in Blackhawk at the casinos after I dropped my car off at my friends house in Evergreen. I drove all the way to Evergreen and when I went to call my friend to tell her I was near and to figure out how to get directly to her house from where I was my phone froze. It wouldn't let me do anything so I had to turn it off and then back on to reset it. It never turned back on. . .just kept turning off and on resetting its self for like an hour. I went to some gas stations to call my friend but couldn't get a hold of her. I finally was done dealing with it  and just went back home. My phone continued to reset itself starting at 9 pm when I first turned it off until 12:40 am. I was even more frustrated because I was really tired and thought it was just going to keep going when I tried to go to sleep but then it stopped right before I shut off my computer to go to bed. 

I fuckin' hate T Mobile. They're phones are so shitty. They're service is so shitty. I don't know when my contract is up but I definitely think that I will be getting a new phone as soon as it is. Hm. . .I wonder when my contract is up. I should check on that.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


His voice is so FUCKIN' annoying. His music is extremely annoying. He looks like a skinny cuntadactyl. Does anyone agree with me? 

Old Folks Homes

My ma found out today that her great aunt passed away. She was informed that her death is under investigation because authorities believe that she was beaten to death. According to I think my ma's Aunt Mae, the old folks home called and asked my family members if they could place her on hospice. My family asked why, they were wondering if she was dying of something. They just told them no. After that she was found dead. I don't know the whole circumstances or anything but I'm surprised that this touched my family. I did not know her or anything but it's just crazy how old folks are treated in those resident homes. I wish I could say that I would never put my parents into one of them but I can't say that for certain. I don't know what my circumstances will be like once they get that old. I don't know if  I will have the time and money to take care of them. I wish I could say that I never would especially because of everything that they do for me, but honestly I would my best to try and make their lives as easy, convenient, and comfortable as I could and if that means putting them into an old folks home then that's it. I definitely visit often and ensure that nothing was going wrong. I definitely think my Dad's family should have put my Grandpa into an old folks home. He was dangerous. He was a taxi driver and he picked up this same client every day and when his Alzheimer's got the best of him he would still go and try to pick the guy up. How do I know this. . .the guy lives in the same neighborhood as ours. His house was a nasty disaster. He did not take care of himself. My family members on that side did really nothing to watch out for him or take care of him. It was really quite sad. My Dad was of course devastated when he had a heart attack and died but in a way I was relieved. He didn't have to suffer from Alzheimer's anymore. He didn't have to suffer. I was angry with my Dad and his sister's, of course one was so drugged and alcohol'd up there was no way she was going to do anything, for not doing anything to take care of him. My cousin tried to do the best he could while he wasn't in jail. It just is sad. 

I've been thinking about going to visit his and my Grandma's grave. I was never that close with them because I was so young when they died, especially my Grandma. She took care of us though when we were little. I remember always watching The Price is Right with her and all the daytime drama's. I think they would appreciate a visitor up there in heaven and I know my brother and sister won't be going anytime soon. They're just like my parents. . .act cordial with family and get together only on holidays and for kids birthdays, force the niceness, other than that NO COMMUNICATION WHATSOEVER. A couple Christmas' ago I was so pissed with my family because apparently even coming together is an extreme hassle. No one wants to go to anyone's house because they actually have to drive somewhere. OMG BIG FUCKIN' DEAL. . .at least we all live in the same fuckin' state. As much as I don't want my family, when I get one [hahaha get like its a consolation prize in the big competition of life], to be like how my family is now I know it's going to be. I'm not going to want to see the rest of my family because they don't really care to see my family. As long as no one has died or has a serious disease, we don't give a fuck what you're doing with your life. That's so pathetic. I wish my family was closer. Oh well. . .we're dysfunctional but we're definitely not the worst. 

Monday, July 27, 2009

Upcoming Movies.

I'm really looking forward to some of the upcoming movie releases. District 9 looks very interesting. Definitely a must see. Holmes is a definite must see. . .the action looks awesome in it and they had some quirky comedy that I liked. I'm definitely going to see Whip It [more along the lines of a chic flick] directed by Drew Barrymore with D.B., Ellen Page, and Eve. I'm also interested in seeing The September Issue which brings the audience into the behind the scenes creation of Vogue. 

I'm definitely going to see Halloween 2 directed by Rob Zombie. Not only does Zombie put out some good Horror Movies but this one seems like it is going to explain the story some more or better at least so I'm really intrigued by the previews. I'm definitely very hyped up for Alice in Wonderland unfortunately I have to wait for sooo long until it comes out. Ugh that's annoying. There's a couple in theatres right now that I want to see like The Proposal and the one with Heigl as she is being taught to learn how to put herself out there more I guess. I can't remember the name of it right now though. I don't even need to see the whole preview for The Book of Eli. . .it also should be a definite must see. I'm interested in the preview for Despicable Me too. . .I think that will be a fun movie. 

Finally Michael Moore is coming out with a new movie entitled Capitalism. I do not necessarily support or agree with Mr. Moore on all his topics and beliefs, however I am interested in what he has to say. . .so therefore I am definitely interested in watching this.


If you know about the festival I guess you can call it that Comic Con you know why this woman is dressed in the way that she is. I totally would go and dress up for this thing and all cuz I think it would be fun and entertaining. . .however this frightens me. This is morally unacceptable for society and we should shun her. 

Friday, July 24, 2009


Mark's car got broken into today. They broke out his passenger side window and stole his ipod, his ipod fm transmiter, and his amp in broad daylight. It happened around like 2-5 pm. The thieves had time to unscrew and unhook his amp and take it without damaging anything. Couple fingers prints were left on the window of the right back side but nothing that they'll actually use I'm sure. A unit didn't even come out. . .Mark had to report it online and I guess it takes up to 72 hours for them to get around to it. Needless to say, what he thought would be a safe and secure apartment neighborhood turned out to not be anywhere near it. Fuckin' bastards. Not really in the best of moods so I'm just gonna go bounce around the internet. 

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Quite tired

Of how critical we are of the stars. I'm tired of seeing people knocking everything a person says, does, wears, thinks, etc etc etc. They're made to entertain us in a positive way. They're not just there for us to cut down and make ourselves feel better about ourselves. If they have fake boobs then fuck they weren't happy with the body God gave them and so they changed it so they could be happy. However shallow that may seem to certain people it don't matter. It ain't your fuckin body so jump off it. If they make sex videos and shit, that's their private business. Who cares what they do in the privacy of their own home?!?!? How would you feel if everything you did that you wanted to be private was deliberately exploited on a day to day basis? Why is it such a sin for them to have sex and to tape something they find sexy or pleasing. How come if a star changes their style or cuts their hair or gets a little bigger or has an eating disorder we see it as the greatest crime they can commit AGAINST US? Why do a lot of us act like just because of what they have done our lives will forever be changed in the worst possible way? "Solange shaved her head and I'm so enraged and disgusted with it". . .did you lose your job, have your pay docked, get demoted. . .anything that lead to the personal destruction of an aspect in your life as a result of her actions? No, THEN FUCKING LEAVE HER ASS ALONE! Many of us have apparently failed to realize a major important life lesson. People are going to do WHAT THE FUCK THEY WANT TO DO. Regardless of how it affects your life, even if it does affect your life, you're life is going to keep on trucking along. Just because you decided to make them feel like shit because of something they did, like getting a boob job or cutting off their hair or making a sex video does not mean that they're going to think twice about it the next time something similar comes up. The one thing that will change is how they go about doing it. 

In a few short words. . .everyone is trying to be FAMOUS. But I believe that once they get there they regret it to some extent. Once famous, every aspect of your life is on display. You may be striving to be a good role model and just because you had a "dark moment" in your bedroom with your loved one you're suddenly ostracized. FUCK THAT! I NEVER EVER WANT TO BE FAMOUS! I could not deal with the publicity. I do not want anyone up in my life telling everyone else about every fucking move I make, every sound I make, every thought I have etc etc etc. Get the fuck off people's nuts. Focus on getting your life together and living it to the fullest. . .because I'm pretty positive that if that's what you focus on instead of how devastating it was for you when Solange shaved her head. . .you're going to enjoy life just that much more. 

Fall Semester

Awesome-ness. I will be taking four classes this semester. One online, one on Tuesday and Thurs the others on Mon and Wed. I finally got into the final two classes I need to stay on track to graduate on time. I had to be signed in manually because Metro's registration process is fuckin' retarded. Still no post on the grades for the summer but I don't think I have access to those until the 7th of Aug. 

The first weekend in August Mark, Kyle, and Tristin want to go to Nebraska again, from like thur thru Mon. I'm so disappointed because there is no way that I can get that Friday off. All the relief bailiffs are working so there is no one that can take my shift except for the new girl and she more than likely will not be able to work by herself, especially in the division that she will be working in. I want to go really bad though. I could just call in sick both days. Thursday I'm only working a half day and I'm sure they can get that covered, just Friday would kind of suck for them cuz one division would be short. On the other side I could definitely use the money and even though they have been assholes to me lately, I still would feel bad calling in. We'll see. What's nice is that when I "call in" I don't have to call in. . .I can just actually send an email to my boss and the lead bailiff telling em I'm sick and won't be able to make it in since neither one of them ever answer their phones. I think that's probably what I'm going to end up doing. My last vacation before I really get my shit together for school and crunch down on my focus. 

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Anxiety P. II

As I experienced a split second panic attack earlier tonight about financial aid and making sure that I had the money to pay this year's school, I have definitely realized that my anxiety over money is no where near where I had bragged about it being. The feeling of suffocation, the feeling of imminent failure, the feeling of not knowing what is going on with my life are all so terrifying to me. I feel like I have recently lost a lot of my hardworking, determination, organization, multi-tasking skills. I feel like I don't have nearly as many expectations of myself and therefore my grades have slipped, my work ethic has slipped, my attitude has slipped. I find myself continuously forgetting things that I need to do. I procrastinate which is a pet peeve of mine. I don't know if all this is a result of just the summer and I was dying for vacation and since I went to Mexico and Nebraska and had a more open schedule I lost all the things that I prided myself on. I'm more than just disappointed with myself with my online class for this summer. I was not paying attention to due dates, I was not applying myself as much, I missed a quiz, I missed a FREAKIN MIDTERM! I expect so much better of myself. I do not believe that I have lowered my standards in any kind of way and I strongly believe that I should not fall into that trap that is so tempting. I know my true capabilities and I know that there are several things that are adding up to the loss of my focus, my hard work, and so much more. It is so easy to get distracted in life but for me distraction costs me emotionally and mentally. I do not want to let up on everything that I have worked so hard for already. There's no way in hell I can allow myself to be lured into laziness. I liked to be frightened however there are certain things in life that I do not like to be scared of. Failure and money are the top two things that are so interrelated that there is no 1 and 2 or a and b. . .they are one. If I feel I'm experience troubles with one then I have problems with the other as well. I'm hoping that my realization in my faulty ways will jerk me back onto the road I know I need to be on. . .it is not a journey to get back onto this road it's just a matter of switching lanes so to speak. Hopefully. . .as I begin to address the problems that have brought me onto another path, these problems will run together and I will not have to address each one individually. 

Monday, July 20, 2009


I've noticed recently that the anxiety that I was experiencing over money has declined a considerable amount. I think this may be a result of my never looking at my account and therefore never truly knowing how much money is in my bank. Obviously, this is probably the worst possible way that I could go about making my self feel better but I can't afford any serious help. It also helps that I'm living at home and not paying bills and junk except for my phone bill and my insurance. I'm glad to say that I definitely do not have fits of overwhelming fear of being completely broke, being in debt, and more. I definitely know that there are problems still lingering there. I just think that I have succeeded at pushing the anxiety all the way to the back of my mind. At one point I considered getting help for it because I thought that I truly had Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I am definitely relieved that I am no longer crying myself to sleep or crying in front of people because I am too scared to spend my money. It was so embarrassing. I use to have to really work to convince myself to go out and do things with people that cost money because of how anxious I felt about spending any money. I've tried to overcome the whole never looking at my bank account by putting a program on my i-pod that would force me into doing it however I did not like the feelings it gave me so I stopped. Plus I kind of had a hard time understanding some of the stuff it required and so therefore just gave up on it. My mom has tried to talk me into using QuickBooks and junk for myself since I already have experience working with the program from a job that I had but I manage to come up with some excuse to avoid it every time. I was doing a really good job at saving money with my savings account but I found myself transferring more money from it then into it. I owe Mark 420 for my laptop right now. On top of that, I owe $100 for medical expenses. The trips we've been taking this summer haven't been encouraging me to save money. . .however I am truly proud to say that I have not been spending a ton of money on shopping, especially on things I do not need. I don't know how else to help myself right now though but at least I've made a lot of progress from where I was. 

Thursday, July 16, 2009

So out of boredom

While I transfer these songs. . .I have decided to make a list of all the places I want to go or do in life. There is no particular order to this list to a just random throwing together of everything. 

1. Skinny Dipping 
2. Go to Germany 
3. Go to China 
4. Go to Australia 
5. Learn to surf 
6. White water raft 
7. Go to Egypt 
8. Visit the 7 wonders of the world 
9. Drive the West Coast not the whole thing but like part of Cali to Washington and junk
10. Visit Canada 
11. Visit Amsterdam again 
12. See Nickelback in concert
13. See Michael Buble in concert
14. Visit Brazil, Chile, Puerto Rico, Cuba
15. Visit India 
16. Oktober Fest in Germany 
17. Visit Spain 
18. Take a real safari trip in Africa  

uhm seeing as though I'm on the last cd for the night that I will be copying I will be putting this list on hold til another day. [= 

Transferring from old to new

I'm doing this probably the hardest way possible but at the moment this is the only way that I think is available to me until I can get a hard drive to help me transfer faster. Basically what I'm doing is transferring what songs I have on cd's that are on my old lap top onto my new lap top. So far. . .I've only made it through 185 songs of 1396 total on my old computer. GAHHHHHHHHHHHHH. . .this is going to take FOREVER!