Monday, July 20, 2009


I've noticed recently that the anxiety that I was experiencing over money has declined a considerable amount. I think this may be a result of my never looking at my account and therefore never truly knowing how much money is in my bank. Obviously, this is probably the worst possible way that I could go about making my self feel better but I can't afford any serious help. It also helps that I'm living at home and not paying bills and junk except for my phone bill and my insurance. I'm glad to say that I definitely do not have fits of overwhelming fear of being completely broke, being in debt, and more. I definitely know that there are problems still lingering there. I just think that I have succeeded at pushing the anxiety all the way to the back of my mind. At one point I considered getting help for it because I thought that I truly had Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I am definitely relieved that I am no longer crying myself to sleep or crying in front of people because I am too scared to spend my money. It was so embarrassing. I use to have to really work to convince myself to go out and do things with people that cost money because of how anxious I felt about spending any money. I've tried to overcome the whole never looking at my bank account by putting a program on my i-pod that would force me into doing it however I did not like the feelings it gave me so I stopped. Plus I kind of had a hard time understanding some of the stuff it required and so therefore just gave up on it. My mom has tried to talk me into using QuickBooks and junk for myself since I already have experience working with the program from a job that I had but I manage to come up with some excuse to avoid it every time. I was doing a really good job at saving money with my savings account but I found myself transferring more money from it then into it. I owe Mark 420 for my laptop right now. On top of that, I owe $100 for medical expenses. The trips we've been taking this summer haven't been encouraging me to save money. . .however I am truly proud to say that I have not been spending a ton of money on shopping, especially on things I do not need. I don't know how else to help myself right now though but at least I've made a lot of progress from where I was. 

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