Tuesday, March 24, 2009


I'm thinking about taking out a $5000 loan. I want to use it to pay for summer school [if I don't get any financial aid of course], for the tax shit that I owe since I messed up on my W-4 for Rural Metro, and to pay some money back to my parents. The rest I will use to pay for like fall school and to help me get back up on my feet from having to pay rent and all that shit when I lived on my own. I just have this feeling that I'm never going to have any money because shit is constantly coming up. Like right now, I feel that I'm not going to be able to pay my phone bill for the month of April because I don't have any money and I have to have 240 for the tax money when we submit my taxes. I borrowed 240 from my ma that I have to pay back and then I owe them for my car insurance that they accidentally paid for a while back which I think is 260. I hate being in debt with them because they dangle it over my head and it is so fucking annoying. I have to wait and figure out how much summer classes are going to cost me [without financial aid which I'm going to do sometime this week] before I figure out how much I want to take out on this loan first though. I hate the idea of being in debt. . .I figure it definitely has to happen however I want to try and keep it at it's lowest possible point so that I'm not buried in debt and paying the shit off for years after I graduate. . .that thought alone makes me SUPER anxious! But the thought of being constantly broke and never being able to get back up on my feet again overrides that feeling of anxiousness for the debt and creates a new feeling of anxiety. [lol] don't worry I realize that I have serious problem with money and anxiety. . .I really honestly could say from a psychologists point of view that I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. lol. . .this issue is for a totally separate blog though but I am considering asking my Abnormal Psychologist teacher about what she thinks I should do because she has her own practice so we'll see. 

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