Thursday, April 30, 2009


What the fuck am I suppose to do about this gold digging situation? I'm stuck in between my first instinct and my rationale. I'm so offended and hurt that my instinct tells me to not even waste my time. If he thinks it now, and since my money situation isn't going to turn anytime soon, what is going to change the thoughts later? But at the same time, relationships are suppose to encounter some fights and we haven't ever had a fight. I know for certain though he's never paying for another thing for me again. If I do go out anywhere, even just driving somewhere, it'll be if only I am paying for it. He's not coming to pick me up to go somewhere to hang out. He's not paying for dinner, drinks, or gifts. He's not paying for anything where I pay him back. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. The only thing he is asking for is forgiveness. It's not as easy as it seems. I will always think that he is thinking of me as a charity case or a gold digger.  

I don't really know what I'm going to do. At this point, I'm really just set on taking me time and getting my money situation together because once that is done then everything else will fall in place. I can stop feeling guilty and anxious about spending money, hopefully! I don't know how long it's going to take either. I don't really think at this point in time that I even want to go to Mexico one because I think it's just going to be awkward, especially if my shit isn't together yet and two because I'm scared that I'm not going to have enough money to get by down there, even though it's an all expenses paid trip I'm still a little concerned about having some spending money. I don't know what to do. =[ such a terrible position.

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